Monday, June 14, 2010

confessions: i wish i were a dancer

some of us figure out what we want to do at a very young age. but for most of us it takes much longer to know our true desire. and if you asked me if i could do anything what would it be? i would want to be a dancer. i was never put into dance classes or much of anything when i was little so the option was never really open for me. my mom was a tomboy so basketball was the only thing i tried (and hated so, so much) and with my failure at that sports weren't anything i was too interested in. it wasn't until eighth grade that i discovered color guard. of course i would find something i loved that nobody knew anything about and if they did thought it was dorky or uncool. and of course i excelled at it, still do in fact.

and it was doing this activity that i really started to understand my body. at first it was like a whole different language for me. i didn't understand anything. i had to point my toes, bend my knees without sticking my butt out, keep my turnout, and not look like i had limp fish for arms all while learning how to spin this new piece of equipment. naturally, i hated dancing. i had never moved my body in these ways and i was constantly getting corrected and frustrated with myself and my seemingly inability to be graceful.

but i worked hard, almost subconsciously, on being a better mover. i hated not doing something right so i kept at it. and by the time i was a senior in high school, i was good. i became captain of my indoor and outdoor color guards and i was a top mover. so when i got to college i decided to take some dance classes because it was now something i really enjoyed. i loved feeling ethereal knowing i was creating art and telling stories with my body. i loved performing, i loved all of it.

but it wasn't enough. great dancers spend years of their lives and quite a lot of money perfecting their art. i had only basic technique which wasn't enough to get into the dance minor at my school. so i tried taking classes at dance studios, only to discover oftentimes i was too old. and when i finally found a dance studio that let older kids take classes i also discovered how expensive they were. especially for a college student.

my dream quickly came crashing down on me. but i discovered ways to keep dance in my life. i still do color guard and push my instructors to add more dance elements and teach new things. i also teach. and dance is the first and main foundation of my teaching style. they hate it, much like i did but i know it will benefit them in the end and they will be beautiful. i still teach myself things and take classes at my dance studio but i now know dancing can only be a small part of my life. i still hope, though, and still perfect everything i am able to do.

i guess if i could tie my love of novels and my love of dancing together i would say that i love stories. i love hearing them, i love telling them in conventional and unconventional ways. being creative keeps the mind alive, and keeps me happy.

so how about you guys? what would you do if you had the opportunity?

2 comments:

linz said...

I am a dancer and I love it. It is like discovering a new language-the language of your body. It's tricky, but I absolutely love it. But if I had to chose to do something else, I would be a gymnast. Sadly, there are no gymnastics studios where I live, but I love the sport.

Ryan said...

You know what I say? Train, train, TRAIN, on your own time. Setup regular schedules and stick to them. Who said you need people to teach you? Teach yourself. Read books, watch videos... Then go try to be on shows like America's Got Talent or something. Never give up. Age is just a number.

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